The Baby Ventures of Xing Mom

There comes a time in a person's life that we do 'stupid' things but it didn't seem stupid at that time. We then regret it afterwards. Let me share with you a few of mine.


The Start of it All


I was young, 23, when I got pregnant with my boyfriend. Before I got pregnant, he was this "Lancelot" type of guy. Always there to save me, always there to support me, and so I thought. When I got pregnant, his first reaction was to get rid of the baby. Not the type of reaction I expected of him. We live far from each other, so when we wanted to be together, we had to take a plane ride to go to each others place. After days of trying to talk to him on the phone about keeping the baby, I decided to go to him to have a decent talk since I'm not getting "through him" when we talk over the phone. After a 4 days of being with him, trying to convince him, he finally agreed on one condition, THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE MONEY AND THAT I SHOULDN'T FORCE HIM TO GIVE. Now, I don;t know why, but I agreed. maybe just for the sake that he'd let me keep the baby. Now, looking back, it was so stupid of me to even ask for his permission. I mean, that's my baby, that's my body, I should be the most important person to decide about it, right? But anyway, as I've said, we sometimes do stupid things.

I continued the pregnancy even if for all those months after, we didn't see each other, but we sometimes talk on the phone. When I gave birth, he didn't even offer to give me any financial assistance. A month after I gave birth, I discovered something shocking, HE'S MARRIED!!! I felt like my world collapsed. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell my parents about it, 'coz they would just make sure that he would never get to see the baby, and I didn't want that. I wanted my baby to grow in a complete family, with a father. I confronted him, he said, he's doing things already and that 'the end justifies the means'. He explained to me that it was a fake marriage to help out his girlfriend get a visa from somewhere afterwhich the girl applied them both in an immigration service using it. I honestly did not know what to believe.

After a few months, the girl found out about our baby and confronted my boyfriend about it. Of course, for immigration sake ('coz my boyfriend needs it as he already spent a lot on it), he denied everything. The girl now is asking for divorce and the cost of it. Good for me? I honestly don't know...

When his immigration was a bit problematic, he decided to tell his family about me and the baby. Yes, they didn't know! My baby was already 3 months when they knew about her. And of course, his mom was shocked. They came here, saw the baby. Well, if you ask me, his mom just came here to make sure that the baby really is His. And how could he deny it, the baby looks just like him! I could also feel that his mom doesn't like me. Telling me that all the while, she thought her son was sterile. Ya right! Does this mean she still has doubts if it's His or not?

December came, she sent us a ticket to visit them. And so we did! She became more and more close to me, talking to me more than before. But anyway, this is about her son, not her. My boyfriend, after all those months, still isn't responsible. He would have money, but would not spend it on our daughter and the bad part about it, he would lie to me and tell me he doesn't have any money at all.

Until now, I am still waiting in vain on what he plans to do with us. He says he wants us to live together with the baby, give the baby a family she deserves. But until now, it is still a plan, no results yet.

It's very hard raising a child on your own and at the same time 'waiting' for the father to grow up. There are times that I would just decrease the ratio of her milk to water just so my baby's milk formula would last longer. Most of the time, I am literally begging my parents for money to buy diapers and milk. Hey, honestly, I have not bought myself panties since I gave birth. Damn! That's how hard being a single parents is ------ for me. There are nights that I would just cry and cry 'coz I can't have my baby immunized/vaccinated 'coz I didn't have the money.


Sickness

My Baby got sick and so I brought her to the doctor, one thing that I'm trying to avoid. When the doctor gave me the prescription, I felt like crying, but I stopped myself and cried the moment I arrived home. It's so hard when you don't have money.

We went to their place again, and the funny thing is, his mom would spend on the baby ONLY IF the baby is there at their place. One time, his mom talked to me, telling me that "It's my fault, I sort of pampered him and spoiled him, all because I pitied him for having no job and I didn't want him to suffer, that's why I gave him a credit card". Yah right! If only I had the courage to talk to her. Then I replied, "What is he spending on using the card when he doesn't go anywhere but to see the sunsets". Then I heard the most shocking answer from her "Well, he said he sends the money to you for the baby's needs"....In my head I was shouting. Telling myself "What money? Where? why have I not received it?". Then I realized, he really is irresponsible and selfish and he will never change. Not for me, not for his daughter and not for himself.



*** to be continued......